On the first Easter night we are told that the disciples locked the doors of the place where they were out of fear. Remember the story that led up to this point (or as they would put it on TV “in a previous episode”): they had heard Jesus predict several times during his public ministry of his coming suffering and death and that “after three days he would rise;” they had seen the empty tomb; Mary Magdalene had reported to them of her encounter with the Risen Jesus. But the disciples still kept the door locked out of fear – we are told “fear of the Jews.” My suspicion is that there was another unconscious fear at work in them – fear of Jesus. For if Jesus was truly risen from the dead as Mary Magdalene reported then everything was different. All that Jesus had taught them had to be taken seriously. A Risen Jesus meant they had to love their enemies and do good to those who hated them. A Risen Jesus meant they had to turn the other cheek. A Risen Jesus meant that they had to feed the hungry and clothe the naked. Certainly these first disciples of Jesus had listened to him, had followed him, had come to love him. But they took his teaching with a grain of salt because some of what he said seemed like an impossible ideal. Now, after the resurrection, the impossible had become the deal. This meant that instead of fitting Jesus into their lives, they had to fit their lives – who they were and what mattered to them – into the life of Jesus. So, yes, they were afraid that Jesus meant what he said.
What about us? What about our fears? Let’s make a list. We are afraid of getting sick. We are afraid of dying. We are afraid of loneliness. We are afraid of losing those precious to us. We are afraid of failing. We are afraid of what is happening in our country, our city, our family. We are afraid of running out of money. We are afraid of what people will say about us. We are afraid of missing out on something essential. The list could go on. If you are like me and those first disciples you are tempted to lock the door of your heart because you are afraid of what Jesus might ask. Take, for example, the fear of getting sick. If I let Jesus in that means I have to trust that whether I am sick or well does not matter all that much. With Jesus on the inside I have to pray “not my will but thine be done” even if that includes becoming sick. Or take the fear of have of not doing right by St. James. Letting Jesus in requires that I trust that God’s plan is better than my plan and God’s way is better than my way. I, we, tend to lock the door because we fear what God’s will is for us.
Happily, as the gospel demonstrates, Jesus is not deterred by locked doors. He barges right in. Entering into that fear-filled room Jesus does four things to lessen the fears of his disciples. Those same four actions are offered to us today. First, Jesus give peace. “Peace be with you.” He says this twice more just to make sure they get it. “Peace be with you.” In between those sayings the gospel reports that “he showed them his hands and his side.” He showed them his wounds. He reminded them of his Passion. Our Lord wanted them to understand that peace was possible, peace was available even in the midst of the terrible suffering that he endured. So with us. Our Lord tells us that letting him into our life promises peace no matter what we are going through.
Jesus continued, “As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” You have to open up the door if you are sent, right? Being sent demands that you get the focus off of you and onto the one you are sent to meet. Your own doubts and fears have to take a back seat once you are sent out to care for others. Being sent puts one’s own fears in perspective. Once we enter into the lives of others we find that what we are going through is not all that unique. Sent to bring good news into the world we can leave our fears behind since we are not obsessing about ourselves but about the mission Christ has sent us to do.
Our Lord goes on: “Receive the Holy Spirit.” The Spirit that made order out of chaos at the dawn of creation, the spirit that God breathed into Adam to give life, the spirit that filled Moses and the prophets, the spirit who revived the dry bones in Ezekiel’s vision, the spirit that overshadowed Mary at the Incarnation, that same Spirit is breathed into the fear-filled room of disciples. The Spirit can blow open the door of fear because it provides the blessed assurance that things do not depend upon our own strength. It is the Spirit of God who provides the power, the energy, the oomph to get us off the dime. If we had to rely on our own selves to deal with sickness or loneliness or failure there would be good cause for fear. But since Jesus has breathed Holy Ghost power into us we can do all things through him who strengthens us.
The final door-buster: Jesus said, “Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.” What does forgiveness have to do with fear? When we cling to our grudges, when we let resentments linger, the person who hurt us still has a hold on us. Only by forgiving them are we free of the hurt. Look at the example of Jesus and Thomas. Our Lord tells him to touch his wounds. Only by acknowledging the wound and then letting it go does it lose its power to hurt again. Forgiveness drives out the fear. Like Thomas we say “My Lord and my God” for we have learned to open up the door and let in the love of Jesus.