Marriage was important to Jesus because of its divine, not social, significance. He describes the ideal of a life-long, exclucive, committed relationship as his definition of marriage by citing the saying from the book of Genesis: “From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” Alas, we know that not every marriage lives up to that ideal. However, the fact that there are so many who re-marry even after a failed attempt at marriage shows their faith in the ideal that Jesus names. The pastoral reality of the Church demands holding onto the ideal while at the same time dealing with the reality in which people find themselves.
Part of the ritual for a wedding in the pre-Vatican II church was something called the Exhortation before Marriage. It is something of a sermon which describes the Biblical foundation of marriage so that the couple will understand the spiritual basis of their union. One sentence in particular stands out: “You begin your married life by the voluntary and complete surrender of your individual lives in the interest of that deeper and wider life which you are to have in common.” Married couples can testify how the surrender of one’s individual life in interest of their union is not a one time thing but a daily commitment that changes as one moves through the various stages of life. Marriage is not 50-50 but 100-100% proposition, both spouses giving their all to make the marriage work.
The formation of a Christian community, while not nearly as profound and lasting as a marriage, also demands, to some degree, the “surrender of your individual lives” if a true unity is to be created. Christian community is not about what I am getting out of it but how I am contributing to it. The epistle to the Hebrews reminds us that we all have “one origin,” we are all children of God, and that Jesus is our elder brother calling us to be part of the divine family. Those of us of a certain age will remember John Kennedy’s inauguration: “Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.” We can apply those words to our life together as Christians: ask not what you get out of being Church but what you can do to help us to become Church.
