The first years of life are crucial in a child’s development. You only have to look at an infant or young baby taking in everything with wide-eyed openness to know they are absorbing the world around them like a sponge. If what they take in are trust, acceptance, encouragement, comfort, inspiration, reassurance and love they will grow up to be trusting, confident and loving people. If they take in the opposite, they will have to struggle to believe in themselves as worth-while and in this world as a welcoming place. Today the Church holds up for our inspiration and our imitation the family of Joseph, Mary and Jesus. Since Jesus was such a loving and inspiring person, he must have had experiences growing up which made him that way – hence, the second chapter of Saint Matthew’s gospel. It portrays the Holy Family growing up in a hostile world where violence and death stalked them. By their faith in God they remained hopeful and confident. But staying alive required a change of scenery. They went to Egypt, to Africa. Jesus spent his formative years in Africa (according to later traditions he was about four years old when he returned to the Holy Land) learning there his family values. While in Africa Jesus learned to trust in God, to believe in himself and to connect with the people around him. When he was called out of Africa, out of Egypt, back to Nazareth he left with his core personality already firmly in place
Since this Sunday is about the family values of Jesus, Mary and Joseph we turn to the Bible, in particular the third chapter of St. Paul’s letter to the Colossians, for a short description of what they look like. The first thing to notice is that, according to the apostle, these values have to be “put on.” They aren’t natural, they aren’t instinctive. If we want the values that transform a group of individuals into a trusting and loving family then we have to put them on, we have to work at them. We put on family values by creating space for one another, by making time for one another, by ensuring good communication among one another. That doesn’t happen automatically just by living in the same house. It takes effort. It requires attention and intention. The goal of that effort, the epistle goes on, is “heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Those are all virtues that we would like to have. To acquire them, they require on our part is a willingness to put ourselves in the shoes of the other. When we strive to see things from another’s perspective then compassion, kindness, patience and all the rest are possible. For example, children need to see that their parents have rules and restrictions because they can see dangers which might not be obvious to the young. Parents need to see that their youth are maturing and can be entrusted with more responsibility as they grow older. It is the willingness to see things as others see them that make it possible for the gentleness and kindness we hope for in our families to blossom.
What exactly are we supposed to put on? From the list of values given by St. Paul three stand out. First, forgiveness. “Bear with one another and forgive one another, if one has a grievance against another.” It is an inevitable fact of human life that whenever you have people rubbing up against one another there is the giving and the taking of wounds. Some of those wounds are caused by our meanness and cruelty while others happen without any malice at all but just by insensitivity or forgetfulness. Whatever the cause the wounds are there in every family. That is why forgiveness is at the heart of what makes a family tick. Only after talking about forgiveness does the epistle mention the word love. “Over all these things put on love, that is, the bond of perfection.” In this context we understand that love is more than a feeling. As a matter of fact sometimes you don’t feel all that warm toward someone in the family but that doesn’t mean you love them the less. We can define familial love as a willingness to do the work to help another to grow. It is tough to see others as God sees them, holy and beloved, when they are acting like jerks. Yet that is what love demands, that is the bond of perfection.
The second value: gratitude. Paul says simply: “Be thankful.” The people God gave us are great gifts. Be thankful for the people that they are and don’t sit in judgment for what they are not. Paul then puts in a plug for gratitude for who you are: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you as you teach and admonish one another singing spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts.” We should be grateful for what God can do with the likes of us. We give thanks not only for the others and for ourselves but also for our faith in Jesus which gives us the values of a life worth living. “In word or in deed, do everything in the name of Jesus, giving thanks to God through him.” For you see, Church, St. Paul told us once we live for Jesus, he is a member of every family – we are sisters and brothers and mothers to him.
The third value: peace. “Let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were called in one body.” Peace is greatly desired in every family but too often we equate peace with the absence of conflict. But as Pope Paul VI taught us, if we want peace we must work for justice. In fact, the peace of Christ to which we are called is not the absence of anything but the presence of something, justice which in the family context means right relationships. As the song from Fiddler on the Roof goes: “Each of us knows who they are and what God expects us to do.” That’s what makes for peace. So put on forgiveness, gratitude and peace and each of our families will be a holy family.
