Last July I clipped a cartoon strip from the newspaper and put it on my bulletin board. The pig character is very happy about the pandemic. “I’ve been given a whole year to focus on what’s important to me all the while spending more time with my loved ones.” I wonder how he is feeling about the pandemic now? Nine months into it things have gotten tedious. The need for constant caution about healthy practices, the lack of social interaction, the worry over loved ones and friends who have gotten sick, distress over the economic fallout, the politicizing of medical advice have made this a year we are relieved to have drawing to a close. Often times in life we find that how we imagined things would go is very different from how they actually go. Every married couple can testify to the truth that things turn out differently from what they expected on their wedding day. The beautiful dream they had about their marriage gave way to the daily-ness of paying bills, keeping the house clean, dealing with the neighbors. The lofty expectation gives way to watching Jeopardy together.
This serves as a commentary on the feast we are celebrating today, the feast of the Holy Family. Christian piety tends to idealize the home of Jesus, Mary and Joseph but the evidence of the Scripture is that their home, like every home, played out against a backdrop of rubbing up against each other which characterizes every human relationship. Joseph has to scrape up enough money for the sacrifice. Simeon predicts that Mary will have her heart broken by her son (but what mother does not have her heart broken?) Jesus growing up needed to be fed and clothed and taught and prayed over so that he could “become strong, filled with wisdom and the favor of God.” We have to learn, as the Holy Family did, to get over the dream of what family should be and accept what is. God has given us exactly what we need: people who will go on living with us in need of the blessing of divine grace since it is God who really binds us together.
This feast of the Holy Family holds up St. Paul’s letter to the Colossians as a model on what a family that is holy will look like. In our day and age that might mean more than the nuclear family but the principles are the same no matter what family means to you. The first thing to notice is that, according to the apostle, these values have to be “put on.” They aren’t natural, they aren’t instinctive. If we want the values that transform a group of individuals into a family then we have to put them on, we have to work at them. We put on family values by creating space for one another, by making time for one another, by ensuring good communication among one another. That doesn’t happen automatically just by living in the same house. It takes effort. It requires attention and intention. The goal of that effort, the epistle goes on, is “heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
To get these virtues St. Paul suggests three practices. First, forgiveness. “Bear with one another and forgive one another, if one has a grievance against another.” It is an inevitable fact of human life that whenever you have people sharing space there is the giving and the taking of wounds. Most times those wounds are not caused by meanness and cruelty but just by insensitivity or forgetfulness. Whatever the cause, the wounds are there in every family. That is why forgiveness is at the heart of what makes a family tick. Only after talking about forgiveness does the epistle mention the word love. “Over all these things put on love, that is, the bond of perfection.” In this context we understand that love is more than a feeling. Sometimes you don’t feel all that warm toward someone in the family but that doesn’t mean you love them the less. It is tough to see others as God sees them, holy and beloved, when they are acting like jerks — which is why forgiveness is woven into love.
The second practice: gratitude. Paul says simply: “Be thankful.” The people God gave us are great gifts. Be thankful for the people that they are and don’t sit in judgment for what they are not. Paul then puts in a plug for gratitude for who you are: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you as you teach and admonish one another singing spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts.” We live out the values outlined in the epistle because of what God has done in us. We should be grateful for what God can do with the likes of us. We give thanks not only for the others and for ourselves but also for our faith in Jesus which gives us the values of a life worth living. “In word or in deed, do everything in the name of Jesus, giving thanks to God through him.” For you see, Church, he told us once we live for Jesus, he is a member of every family – we are sisters and brothers and mothers to him.
The third practice: peace. “Let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were called in one body.” Peace is greatly desired in every family but too often we equate peace with the absence of conflict when actually it is an atmosphere of mutual acceptance. When I googled “peace in the home” these sites popped up: 5 Elements to a peaceful home; 5 easy ideas to bring peace into the home; 10 small ways to bring peace into the home; 10 little things to bring peace into the home; 12 ways to increase peace in the home; 16 ways to make your home more peaceful. The bottom line from all these suggestions – when you think of others, peace reigns. With all these virtues and practices one thing is basic: You don’t choose your family; they are God’s gift to you and since they are a divine gift that is why you are a holy family.