When I was in the seminary we sometimes would joke that we were going to take vows of “poverty, charity and obedience” instead of “poverty, chastity and obedience.” Looking back, I can’t help but be relieved that I didn’t take the first vows. Charity is much harder, more demanding, than chastity. The passage from Ephesians which says, “wives should be subordinate to their husbands” is looked at askance nowadays. It seems to contradict Paul’s opening admonition: Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Where is the mutuality in only wives being told to be subordinate? But as the epistle goes on four different times St. Paul tells husbands to “love” their wives — and this is love as agape, a self-giving love without counting the cost. The passage ends: each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband. Love, charity, which is enjoined on husbands is the greater challenge.
